Friday, September 14, 2012

At The Scene Of The Crash

It was October. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday morning. The weather was perfect and I sat alone in my mini van driving up to Barrie to pick my oldest and youngerst daughters up from sleepovers they'd been at. The window was open just enough to fill the van with that warm fragrent air that smells of fall - leaves and earth and sunshine. My heart was glad. As I often do when I'm driving a long trip, I talked to God as I drove. I praised Him for the day, for my family, for my life. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and my thoughts were still filled with thankfulness.

I stopped and picked up my eldest, Emily. She climbed into the front seat of the car and buckled herself in, yawning and telling me how late she stayed up chatting. I smiled and pulled out of the driveway to get my youngest, Amie. At the next stop, Amie climbed into the very back of the van, yawned and put a movie on to watch while we drove home. Within a few minutes, Emily fell asleep in the front seat leaving the car silent. As I drove, I made plans to enjoy the rest of this glorious day outside. My heart rang with praises.

Five minutes from home, it happened. Out of the blue, with no warning and no way to avoid it. I was travelling 80kms/hr (the posted limit - really :) ) on a through road - no stop sign for me. As I approached and intersection, a car on the other road slowed for his stop sign. I watched him come to alost a stop....but not quite. I was almost at the intersection when sudenly he hit the gas and drove right out in front of me. Time slowed down. All I could think of were my kids in the car. I hit my brakes and pulled hard on my wheel. I knew I was going to hit him and I wanted to make sure that my side took the impact and not the side my precious girls were on. I remember seeing he center of my wheel open up and some white material coming out of the center. Then it was over.

Emily was calling me over and over. I opened my eyes. Blood was everywhere. She was covered in a spatter...but it was mine, not hers. We were somehow a fair way up the road from the car we hit but I don't know how we got there. Emily was terrified. She'd thought I was dead. I was only knocked out by the airbag and the blood was just from my face where the bag had hit me. Amie unstrapped herself and climbed forward. Thank God, she was okay too.

I called 911 and the fire crew came and cut our doors open to get us out. Paramedics examined Emily asking her if the airbag had injured her. "No," she replied. "It never hit me'. The paramedics tried to explain to her that it must have hit her. It had fully deployed, but Emliy insisted it never touched her. She had not a mark on her, while my face looked like I'd gone 9 rounds with Mike Tyson....and lost. My husband, Mark came and took Emily and Amie home while I was taken to the hospital along with the women who had been a passenger in the other car. In the ambulance I was told that it was a miracle that my legs hadn't been crushed. "I know who's in charge of miracles." I told them through bruised and bleeding lips.

At the hospital I was strapped to a gurney with a neck brace to await x-rays. They wheeled me down the hall and left me there. I was angry at the man who'd driven out infront of me. I'd wanted to enjoy this day and now I was facing so much. My car was destroyed, my whole body hurt, my kids were traumatized....all because he didn't look before he drove out into the intersection.

Then...he was beside me. The man who'd been driving the other car. "I'm so sorry. I thought it was a four way stop. I didn't see you." He explained. "My fiance was in the car but our baby wasn't. The baby would have been so hurt. I'm so glad he wasn't there......" On and on he went. He just kept telling me he thought it was a four way stop. Over and over and over. I was strapped down. I was angry. I just wanted to tell him to shut up and go away. That his child may not have been in the car, but MINE WERE!

I felt harrased and trapped and overwhelmed. I opened my mouth to call for a nurse to help me, but something stopped me. I closed my eyes. I took a breath and I cried out to God in heart. "Lord, use me." I prayed silently. "Be glorified in this." And my heart filled with a love for this man...this man who had hurt me, who was wholly at fault for this, who might have killed my children.

My anger was gone, and my heart went out to him and THEN I spoke. "I just want you to know," I began, "That I forgive you. I believe that God had His hand over this today and if God can forgive me for all I have done in my life then by His grace I forgive you." The man fell on his knees in the middle of the hall, covered his face a wept....literally! His heart was touched by the love of Christ. In a situation where it could have been me showing my human selfishness, I had the profound honour of being used by God to touch a life. It was awesome! It was an amazing feeling and I pray for this man still.

When we let go and let God take over, He can move mountains. When we humble our hearts to His will, His love will shine out of us and bring light to the darkness. True tenderness and comassion is only found in Jesus.

To end (sorry it's so long) I suffered whip-lash and now, 2 years later I still suffer pain in my shoulder when I drive longer than 30 mins at a time....but when the pain flares up, it reminds me to pray for that man. I don't know where he is or what happened after he was charged, but I pray that the seeds that were planted will grow and multiply.

“[Imitating Christ’s Humility] Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.” Philippians 2:1-2 NIV

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Long Overdue!

Okay, no excuses. It's been just over 2 years and I am surprised my blog is still here! I'm coming back! I had a car accident shortly after my last post and have been getting back on my feet. Then life happened....I just stopped making time to write and I only just realized how much I miss it. Time today doesn't permit me to share the story of God's grace and goodness through the accident I was involved it, but let me leave you with this; I will make the time in the next week to share the experience with you and bring glory to the God who saves. Will I ever be 100% again? If God wills it I will be...but so far, no. I'll not say any more until I can share the whole story. It would be like reading the last page of a book before the story began. :) God bless! --Christian

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Women of the World or of the Word?

This morning, after I'd put the kids on the bus, I sat down in the living room to watch the news and enjoy a nice cup of coffee when a commercial came on that caught my attention.

I think the ad was for some kind of mouthwash where it promises to give you breath that is fresh and minty. The man in the ad uses the mouthwash and then goes out for a night on the town where he is overrun by beautiful scantily-clad women lured in by his minty breath. The women are draping themselves over him in an embarrassing effort to be close enough to touch him. The man is not the least put off and wraps his are indiscriminately around the nearest women to pull them close.

The commercial ended, and was followed by another.

A camera ad showing a beautiful little baby all warm and sleepy in his crib. The mom and dad gaze lovingly at the baby and each other. Dad put his arm around mom and draws her close as they look with adoration on their little child, so sweet and innocent. Mom uses the camera to capture images of her precious son, and many shots are shown of her looking on her child with a smile and tears of joy in her eyes as she marvels at the life before her.

The commercial ended and I paused to think. Two types of women. Two lifestyles. I have lived them both, and I know which one leads to true joy.

The world lies to us. It tells us that beauty and sexual power leads to happiness. It tells us that we will find joy in sharing our bed with people who please us and are attractive to us. It tells us that we need to always look perfect to please a man. That our value is skin deep. For a while we believe it. We play the game, but in the end we lose. We lose all that we give away to the men who thought we were beautiful and sexy and took what we offered until we had nothing left to give.....and then we are left with nothing.

The Word of God speaks truth. It tells us that we are precious inside and God doesn't care what we look like on the outside. Don't get me wrong, God created us to be sexual beings, but he didn't make it so we would use it to hold power over another, but to share within marriage to increase intimacy, to have something sacred and secret that is privy to no one else. True love is based on the heart and soul and it nourishes and cherishes. It creates the kind of marriage that makes a solid foundation for a family, just as God intended....and it is so much more satisfying.

So, when I saw those two ads back-to-back, I guess it spoke to me about what I had and what I have. What I have is so much better, I am so much happier. I am so blessed to share a life with people who love me for me, and who I love for them.....the inside, the heart, not the outside. I am so thankful to God that I did not continue in the lifestyle of my past, but I now have a future and a hope. In a word....FREEDOM!

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” Proverbs 31:10, 27-28

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Today, I await the arrival of a new camper my husband and I purchased. I am filled with excitement and anticipation as I imagine all the adventures my family and I will enjoy in it. It is just four walls and a roof, a bathroom and small kitchen area. Not a big camper. I have to pull it with a minivan so it can't be big. It holds with it dreams of the future. It contains countless memories waiting to be made. It is filled with laughter that has not yet happened. It reminds me that summer is almost here and with it comes days of swimming and hiking and campfires all shared with my precious husband and children. It reminds me that I am blessed.

Today, my high school friend and his wife wait for a call from the hospital. His wife has a tumor deep in her brain that is growing rapidly. They wait for the phone to ring and for the voice on the other end to tell them it is cancer. The preliminary tests say that it is likely. The tumor cannot be removed. There is no treatment. There is only hope and faith. Prayer and God. They have a young son who waits too. He waits to see if his summer will have a mother in it. His father built him a swing set this weekend. A swing set that his mommy may never push him on. A swing set that sits empty as they wait for the call from the doctor. A swing that offers no promises of memories to be made. I pray for this family. It reminds me that I am blessed.

Today, my daughter Molly was bad. I told her off. She cried and we hugged. She kissed me goodbye at the bus stop. Her blond hair shone in the sun like spun gold. She is precious. My heart ached with love. Through the bus window she smiled and waved at me. I waved back. It reminds me that I am blessed.

Today, I drove home to wait for the time when the camper will come. I prayed and spoke to my heavenly Father. I told Him I love Him. I felt His love for me. I thought of how wonderful it is to have prayer. To be able to enter the presence of a living God and just to rest in His love.....and it reminds me that I am blessed.

Thank you Heavenly Father God. You are the giver of every perfect thing. Because of You, I am blessed. Amen

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Parts We Play

Last week at my daughter's Christian school we had Grandparents Day. It was an opportunity for grandparents to come to the school, see the classrooms, see some of their grandchildren's work and watch the school play. This year my father and my grandmother attended.

The play was a big production. It was a musical with a wonderfully designed set, elaborate costumes complete with wigs and make-up! This year, my 2 oldest daughters tried out for a singing role. They practiced and prayed and hoped and auditioned. My eldest, Emily did not get the role she wanted,but instead was given a fairly minor part that did not have any singing. My second daughter, Molly didn't get any part at all.

The day the parts were handed out, they both came home in tears. "Mommy, we tried our best, but we didn't get the part we wanted." They were so sure that God was being unfair to them. "Robin, that girl who is mean to me in band and always tells me I am not a good singer...SHE got the role I tried for. I don't understand why God would let her get that part when she is so mean and brags all the time." said Emily, her arms crossed and face set in a pout.

I hugged her and replied, "Em, we asked God to put you where He wanted you right? Well, maybe He wanted you have a small role for some reason we don't see yet. Besides, Molly didn't get anything at all, so don't you think she feels even worse?" For the weeks leading up to the audition, our nightly prayer had been asking God to put the girls in the role He wanted them in, but I guess Emily and Molly had already decided what those roles should be. When they didn't get them, they just figured that the teacher choosing the parts made a mistake, and they stuck with that opinion until the evening following the performance.

So, there we were, my Dad, my Grandma and me, sitting in the gym waiting for the curtains to open. I waved to Amie who was in the choir. She saw me and waved back, face splitting into a wide grin. Then the show began. Music filled the air and the curtains opened to reveal the show. The kids were all amazing. I was filled with motherly pride and joy to see my girls in their costumes, Amie singing and Emily acting. I had brought my video camera and was taping the whole thing and thinking how blessed I was to have my 88yr old Grandma sitting next to me watching her great-grandchildren. I thought of how blessed I am to have my family, how much they all mean to me and how precious and dear every moment is.

That was when Robin came out on stage in her lovely costume and singing in her sweet high voice. She did a fabulous job, and at the end of the song I saw her catch the eye of her Dad who was sitting just behind me. They exchanged a smile and he gave her a 'thumbs up'......and all of a sudden I knew. I knew why things had worked out the way they had.....and I knew Emily was going to feel very guilty for the jealousy she harbored over Robin getting the role she had wanted.

The play was over (and fabulous!) and I joined Emily in the halls afterward. We had a quiet moment and I said to her,"Em. Remember when we prayed that God would put people where He wanted them?" She nodded and I went on, "Do you know who Robin's Dad is?"

She shook her head 'no' "He is the man we have been praying for who is dying of cancer. He was so proud of her today and he was so filled with joy to see her up there. He may never have another chance to watch His daughter in a play. He may not even see her graduate."

She sucked in her breath and a hand went to her heart, "Oh no," she whispered, "And I was so jealous! That's so awful of me! I feel so bad!" And suddenly, Emily realized that God didn't get it wrong, the teacher didn't get it wrong, SHE was the one who had it wrong.

How often do we assume that something didn't work out the way it was supposed to? It makes me wonder how often we are wrong. I am so glad that Robin's dad was given that moment. God has a plan and we need to trust when we don't understand. After all, isn't that what faith is?

Dear Lord, today help me to seek Your will and not my own agenda. Help me to not be presumptuous and think that I could know better than you for even a moment. Thank you Lord that Robin's dad was given that gift. What a joy to have been privy to that moment. May I never forget how blessed I am to have these moments with my family. Thank you for the love we have for each other and the love we have for You. Help us to never covet what others have because we do not see the whole package sometimes. I know Robin would have traded places with Emily in a heart beat to have a whole, healthy father there to see her in a small part in the play. God, thank you for the gift of life and love. Keep me on Your path. Amen

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Great Friday

Good Friday morning at 3AM, my little 9 year old daughter knocked on my bedroom door. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and croaked, "Come in."

The door opened and Amie stepped in holding a big mixing bowl. "I threw up and I don't feel good." She told me in a weak little voice. I hopped out of bed, threw on my housecoat and gently led her back to her bed. She rocked back and forth with pains in her belly and I sat by her side, holding her sweet little hand and stroking her forehead while I softly sang lullabies from when she was a baby. By 5AM, I had made it back to my own bed thanking God that it was Good Friday and I could sleep in.

It was not to be. By 7:30 I was in the bathroom, sitting on the john with bowl in my lap retching violently. Down the hall I could hear Amie being sick again and called for Mark to go and be with her.

By 9 o'clock, Amie and I lay in my bed together praying for God to touch us and make us well again. All day and night Amie and I took turns in the bathroom being sick. It was the worst I have ever felt...and I have has 3 natural childbirths, so that is saying something. I cried and cried and begged God to touch us and take the pain away.

By Saturday morning the worst of it had passed - thank God. My little Amie lay on the pillow next to me and stoked my cheek. "Mommy," she said, "I prayed that if God would only make one of us better that it would be you." She smiled at me. Her hair was stuck to her forehead from the sweat and her little face was as white as a ghost. Dark smudges under her big brown eyes spoke of the strain of the last 24hrs, yet her heart was filled with love and she smiled at me. My heart melted. My sweet little girl. How much must she love me to ask God to make me better before her? It reminded me of a saying I had once heard. I think it goes something like this; I asked the Lord, 'How much do you love me?' 'This much' He replied. Then He spread His arms and died for me.

It had been Good Friday. The day we lay in bed and suffered an illness like I have never felt. The day we remember how Jesus suffered and died for our sins on the cross. The day we remember how they beat Jesus and spat at Him and hated Him. How much greater was His suffering than my own? Yet He chose to do it. At any moment He could have called the angels down to set Him free, yet He chose to suffer. It was His love for me that held Him to the cross.

Just like my little Amie, turning to me and telling me that she would go on being sick, if it meant God would heal me, Jesus died on the cross as His way of saying, "It's okay. I asked God to punish me instead of you. I will die so you don't have to." I can imagine the love in His eyes, shining like the love I saw in my daughter's eyes, smiling through the pain because of love. Beautiful, forgiving, perfecting, unconditional love. Good Friday is not what it was a Great Friday.

Matthew 27:39-44 Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads 40and saying, "You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!"
In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. "He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me enough to willingly suffer for me. For protecting me from my own just punishment. How great must your love be to suffer so very much? Am I worth it? I don't know, yet you did it, so I must be of great value to You. What an honor, what a humbling insight. Thank you for turning this illness into a beautiful experience that has led me closer to You. I love you so very much. Amen.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


This morning I got up, got myself and my daughters out the door for school on time (just barely), made the 40 min drive in glorious sunshine and kissed them goodbye at the door. Then, I made my way to the gym where I chatted with a few other moms and waited for the assembly to begin. How very much our lives have changed in a year.

In September, my children moved to a new school. We still live in the same place and their old school is still up and running, but I came to the conclusion that God is not welcome there. Their last school was a public school and although my kids would come home having been taught about the Muslim or Hindu Faith and celebrations, talk of Jesus was nowhere to be heard. How is that even equal?

The final straw for me was watching my (then) 12 year old cry her eyes out every night after being picked on all day for (get this!) being smart and being a Christian. I called the school where the principal quickly informed me they don't have a bullying problem.

On Saturday night, my daughter, Emily had to babysit for some friends and all the way there she shared her stories of sadness with me. How, when she would work in the milk room at lunch time some of the kids would go through her desk and read her journal aloud to the class. How she was referred to as 'the nerd' and 'the perfect little church girl'. I dropped her off and feeling totally helpless, I cried out to God again, more desperate than ever, for Him to direct me. Whatever it took I would do if He would just clearly lead me. He gave me a verse...well, part of a verse. "Train up a child in the way he should go..." Great!...but I didn't know where it was from, or even what it meant for me in the situation I was in. So, I dismissed it.

Sunday morning, my kids and I went off to our local church and I was praying all the way for help from God. I asked Him for a flashing neon sign to drop out of Heaven that said "DO THIS:...". Well, I got the next best thing. The pastor preached on Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." I almost fell out of my pew! Wow! THAT had to be God! Then, I had this really strong feeling in my heart to look at some of the local Christian schools. The first one I clicked on had Proverbs 22:6 right there on the home page. Providence. An answer to prayer and the beginning of a change in my children that knocked my socks off!

So as I sat in the gym this morning, surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ I was treated to a beautiful chapel time where the grade fives lead a lesson on Lent and Easter. We sang praises to God for the gift of His Son and the redemption it bought us. My heart soared and my spirit trembled with the reality of Jesus's sacrifice for me and I sat at the back with tears streaming down my face, just moved beyond words at the depth of the love of Christ for me. My children sat listening to truth in a school where God is welcome! 'He is Risen!' the teacher called, and 300 little voices replied, "He is risen indeed!"

Matthew 27:25 All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!"

Thank you Jesus that your blood is on us. It covers over all our sins and makes us acceptable to God the Father. Your life changed death, and your death changed life. Thank you that you care so very much about each of us. You even answered my prayer and lead me to where my children needed to go to grow in You. Thank you for your sacrifice for me on the cross. I owe You more than I can ever pay, but I will spend everyday trying to please You because I love You. Amen.