Alone in a House Full of People

Do you ever feel alone? I find myself waiting all day for my kids to come home from school so I can see their sweet faces. My husband, Mark works 7 days a week, not always because he has to, but because that is what he knows. He comes home for supper most nights, eats, but then spends the rest of the evening glued to the TV with either video games with the kids or TV shows once the kids are in bed. I clear the supper dishes and listen to their happy voices float in from the living room.....and feel utterly alone. Now, it is just like all day. I am once again alone.

At 7:00 I call out, "Okay guys! Bed time in half an hour!" And am greeted by disbelief. "What?" they reply. "Half an hour!" But they relent. They know I am right, but I hate to always be the one to tell them. For once I'd like to be the fun parent. The one they laugh with.

I tried an experiment once. I left them playing and waited to see when someone would notice the time. The minutes turned to hours and by the time they noticed, the sun had faded away and the living room was plunged into darkness. 9PM. I waited...alone until 9PM before they realized that Mom hadn't come to get them for bed. It took them THAT long to notice I wasn't there.

It is Saturday today. One of the rare days where Mark actually came home before dinner and where is my family? My youngest is over at a friend's house and my older two and my husband are playing on the Wii.....and I am in the basement, alone on my laptop. They didn't even notice when I left the room. My heart breaks. "Let's go for a walk." I suggest. The sun is out and the day is glorious. "No. We want to play with dad and he wants to play Wii."

What do I do? My middle daughter, Molly, was supposed to have put her laundry away before her dad came home. I reminded her about it AGAIN and Mark said, "Don't worry about it. I came home to see them. I'll get her to do it before dinner." As odd as this sounds, the part that hurt was the part where he told me he came home to see them...them. I love that he loves his kids and, don't get me wrong, he is a good husband and he loves me...he just doesn't see me anymore...not really. I wash his clothes and cook his dinner and raise his children,share his bed - though not in the way I'd like to any more - but somewhere along the way I think he forgot how to love me...how to nurture me. He forgot how to see me.

Thank God I have the love of Christ. He never forgets me. The Bible tells me he sings over me, He had carved me into the palm of His hand....He sent His one and only Son to die for me so that I might be in Heaven with Him one day. There is a line from a song by Casting Crowns that says, 'I know You're there. I know you see me.." I love it! I sing it all the time. God is enough. I'd like to say it can totally take the place of being seen and noticed by your husband, but some days are just harder than others. Today is one of them.

Dear God, thank you for always loving me. Thank you for always cherishing and listening to me. I believe you have made me special and you love me. Please help heal the lonely ache of my heart and help me to be the wife and mother You have called me to be. I love you Lord! In Jesus name. Amen